Emotion Coaching

 When we empathize with our children and teach them to empathize with others we connect with them and they can connect with others. 



When we teach our children how to understand their own feelings and respond to them in appropriate ways behaviors will improve. 
We can teach and show empathy through these 4 steps
1) Empathy= listen to understand their perspective, How are they feeling and seeing the situation
2) Nonjudgmental= Don't judge what they are saying as right or wrong this stops them from being heard
3) Unconditionality= Give unconditional love regardless of what you believe or what they did.
4) Focus on the feelings= Say things like "you sound sad, or mad, or...if you are wrong they will correct them (Dr. Ken Moses, PhD.)

Emotion coaching takes team work.
 I love knowing 
1. All feelings are acceptable
2.  All wishes are acceptable
3. Not all actions are acceptable. 
When we teach our children that it is ok to feel and wish for things, but that there are expectations and limits to how we react to those feelings we all learn how to express our feelings in healthy safe ways. 

I love this example of how easy it is to emotion coach one another. As we show empathy and are understanding. Notice how Joy just wants to sweep his feelings "under the rug" just don't think about it and think about something else. Those feelings are "uncomfortable" so lets not think or talk about them. But then Sadness steps in and understands how he feels. Asks questions to clarify and get him to share his feelings. This allows him to feel his feelings and feel validated.

When we understand our feelings and seek to understand others feelings our relationships improve and so do behaviors, because remember, all feelings are acceptable, all wishes are acceptable, but not all behaviors are acceptable. 
As we add understanding to feelings and draw lines and boundaries on behaviors we and our children will know how to act and react to our feelings. 




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